Full Blown Read online

  “I'm so sorry Linda I should have been there for you. I was too caught up thinking about myself, and didn't see I was destroying my girls.” She said.

  I didn't speak, didn't know what to say.

  Was she telling me I was right and she was wrong?

  She walked over to the couch, and patted the seat next to her for me to join her.

  I smiled walking over to her, a part of me wanted to hold on to anger. Point blame at the way my life turned out, but in reality I had to accept responsibility for my own actions as well.

  “So what are you going to do Linda?” She asked.

  I look at her confused at what she was speaking about.

  “Do about what?” I questioned.

  “Oh my God you don't know do you.” She asked.

  I bunched up my face.

  “Know what mom.” I asked.

  “It’s a warrant out for your arrest, the police had been here looking for you a few times.” She said.

  “What! Warrant for what?” I questioned.

  She lowered her head as if ashamed to say what she was about to say next.

  “Knowingly spreading HIV Linda.” She whispered.

  She looked up and looked me in the eyes begging me with her to tell her it wasn't true.

  I'm sure the little color I had left in my face disappeared with the smile I had a few moments ago.

  “I'm sorry mom.” I said.

  The tears that started filling her eyes trickled down her cheeks.

  Oh my child what have you done.

  I finally broke down telling her everything I had through in these last nine years. We talked the entire night, no sleep.

  She pulled up the photo they had been airing of me.

  Looking nothing like what I do now. A younger less troubled me. With my natural hair color no makeup.

  My past had finally caught up to me.

  Chapter 8

  Linda

  When I awoke everyone had left, so I thought. Ray was lurking around unbeknown to me. Out of all the things I been through he was the only person that made me feel dirty.

  I continued to prepare my food pretending he hadn't just walked in the kitchen. He poured himself a cup of coffee. He kept doing this creepy laugh to himself which was getting under my skin.

  When I heard him sit his cup down hard I knew he was trying to get my attention.

  "You don't know how to address me in my own house." He asked.

  "The last time I checked my mama and daddy paid for this house! Did she add you to the deed?" I questioned.

  He became fireball red, quickly got up from the table, and walked over to me.

  He grabbed my face, and squeezed my cheeks together.

  "What did you just say to me whore?" He asked.

  His words were seething out his mouth.

  "I know what bad little girls like you need let's go.” He hollered.

  He grabbed me by the back of my hair, and practically dragged me into my old room, which was now a playroom for my niece.

  The room was now painted pink with life size Smurf’s on the walls. There was a twin size bed that he threw me into.

  Each time I got off the bed he would shove me down harder than the time before.

  “Next time you get up I'm knocking your little ass out, you understand me!” He said.

  I was so furious. I didn't cry or nothing like that I hated him I wanted to harm him.

  I knew he out powered me it was no point in fighting him. I planned on so many ways to kill him.

  While he stood before me naked as the day he was born, fumbling with his wallet.

  He would rape me, but I have no plans on allowing him to get away with it.

  No matter his threats I wasn't making this easy on him.

  I finally had seen what he was looking for in his wallet a condom!!!!

  He wants to take my body by force, and concerned with protecting himself. You have got to be kidding me.

  After putting the condom on he approached the bed and I started trying to fight him off again.

  I done a lot of things in my life, things I'm not proud of, but I will never understand a forceful abusive man.

  Men are automatically stronger than woman so what do you really get out of harming her.

  It's not like he didn't know he had the upper hand it’s sickening.

  He finally was able to pin my arms behind me, he yanked my pants and panties down then shoved himself inside of me. I stopped resisting. I didn't make one sound.

  He was doing plenty of talking and I remained quiet. I wouldn't dignify him with a response.

  That really pissed him off which made him pound me harder, he was trying to hurt me.

  He started to grunt he would be coming, this would be over soon.

  He was so hateful he completely relieved himself inside of me, and gave me a whack to the back of my head.

  I was going home today. I made it clear to my mother that I had no attentions on turning myself in.

  I would stay on the run for as long as possible, and deal with it from there.

  The condom he sloppily left on the floor I collected, and went to get the stain of his sweat off of me.

  Once out the shower I texted my mother, and asked her how long she would be.

  I needed to wait for her to come home or I was coming to where she was.

  I told her I needed to speak to her, and it was urgent. It took some time, but she finally replied back.

  “I’ll be there in an hour.” She said.

  It’s funny how a man can take advantage of you, and still look you in the face like nothing happened.

  I shouldn't say it like that cause us woman can do the same thing.

  He has his feet kicked up without a care in the world watching replays of yesterday's game.

  Not too long later my mother gets home. I go out to meet her before she comes in.

  “Let's go for a ride.” I said getting into the car.

  She drivers a few blocks, and we stop and park. She turns the car off then turns to looks at me.

  “What's the matter honey you're scaring me more than I already am.” She said.

  I took a deep breath.

  “I wish I wouldn’t have never left home that day mom I was young and stupid.” I cried.

  “Now I will be living with that choice for the rest of my life. A death sentence!” I said.

  “A couple months after leaving, Greg became abusive; he also made it mandatory I sell my body for money.” I said.

  She covered her mouth to muffle her sounds she reached over and massaged my arm trying to comfort me.

  “That's not the worse part mom. I became addicted to drugs during this time as well.” I confessed.

  I was smoking pot, snorting powder which all lead up to me shooting up.

  Tears, fear and hurt filled her eyes. She could no longer silence her cries. I lowered my head in shame.

  “Mom what I'm about to tell you has to be handled so carefully or I can never see you guys again.” I cried.

  He will try to take me away from you guys forever. I never want to lose you again.” I said.

  “He… I thought you said Greg didn't know where you were.” My mother said.

  “Not Greg Mom…” Ray I mumbled.

  “RAY?” She questioned in a high pitch tone.

  “What does he have to do with any of this?” I searched for the words to tell her what happened to me that night.

  “The first night I was supposed to sleep with a man Ray was there.” I said

  “It wasn't just one person mom it was a group of men who paid to sleep with a young white female.” I cried.

  “Ray was one of those men. I was high out my mind, but his face stood out in the crowd.” I said

  “I thought once he saw it was me he would opt out, and walk away, but he didn't.” I cried.

  All of the sudden my mother couldn’t keep her stomach contents in.

  She started throwing up she barely got h
er door open for the contents to meet the ground.

  “Oh my God please God no.” She cried.

  It took some time for her to pull herself together. When she finally did she gave me an ear full.

  She told me how my sisters always complained of his weird ways, like walking in on them while they showered or were changing. Me leaving was just the start of my family issues.

  My mother would never believe them, so she accused them of trying to break up her marriage.

  All color had left her face as we sat there in silence. Out of nowhere she started the car and sped off.

  “Mom what are you doing.” I shouted.

  “We can't get pulled over, and I can't go to the police station with you.” I screamed.

  Oh I'm not going to the police station.” She said in a tone I never ever heard her use before.

  Chapter 9

  She burned rubber pulling into the driveway then threw the car into park not even stopping all way yanking us forward.

  I was so afraid. I was afraid for her afraid for myself hell afraid for him.

  Hate was in her eyes I never seen her this way before. I rushed behind her trying to keep up.

  “Mom what are you going to do?” I asked.

  She wasn't speaking one word to me her mind was made up, and I was just here to follow her on this mission.

  She burst through the door like task force causing Ray to spill his beer.

  She was scaring the fuck out of me my mother was normally a calm person.

  Even when I was giving her hell, she maintained her cool this person I don't recognize.

  “WHAT IN THEE SAM HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” He shouted.

  She rushed over to him foaming from the mouth ripping the lamp out the wall along the way.

  He was shocked, and confused his eyes were popping out his head. Instant sweat beads started to form on his forehead.

  It's crazy because she was moving so fast, but at the same time I was seeing it in slow motion.

  I guess he was seeing it that way to when it all caught up my mom was bashing him in the head.

  Blood starting pouring from his head, now he's so in a rage, the fact that she got him good didn't matter.

  He was up with his hands around her neck trying to squeeze the life out of her.

  I watched for a moment, but instinct kicked in. I went to join my mother in the fight.

  Clearly he out powered us, but blood leaking in his eyes gave us a huge advantage.

  He didn't see anything coming. I took a huge plug out his back that made him release my mother’s neck.

  From that moment it was on, we were kicking his ass like two lions taking down its prey.

  My sister Janet and her husband Mark walked in the door, she let out a horrifying scream.

  Mark pushed her out the door, and approached the three of us who continued to fight.

  “What is going on here? He shouted trying to break us from fighting.

  My mother was screaming.

  “He raped my daughter he raped my daughter.” She repeated over and over screaming at the top of her lungs.

  Mark looked back and forth to me then to them.

  “Get out of here.” He finally shouted to Ray.

  Ray was about to say something, but opted on just walking away.

  He grabbed his keys and sped off.

  Moments later you could hear the police entering the village.

  “You have to get out of her.” My mother said, out of breath.

  “Mark please get her to somewhere safe.” She begged.

  He grabbed me by the hand. We hurried to his car and drove off.

  “What the hell is going on?” My sister asked.

  I was trying to explain, but I was so out of breath, as we drove to a local motel.

  When I was able to settle down I told them every gory detail.

  My sister cried like it were her that been through all the suffering.

  We had seen that the police had Ray pulled over by the time we approached the gate.

  My mother hadn’t called or anything so we all were curious to know what was going on.

  After an hour they decided to leave me at the motel, and go back to my mothers.

  I was worried about my mom, but I also was stressing over how I was getting back home.

  After three hours of waiting for them to return, I knew something was wrong and they wouldn't be returning.

  I would stay in Cincinnati one more night then it was time to return home to my lonely life with no friends or family.

  I cried myself to sleep that night.

  Around four in the morning there was a knock on my room door.

  I tip toed over to peek out to see who it was.

  I was relieved to see it was only my father, the look on his face was nothing, but worry.

  “Your sister told me you were here.” He said hugging me.

  “I always thought myself to be an honest man, but the advice I'm about to give you is selfish, and far from honest.” He said.

  “I don't know the details of your life after you ran away I just know I'm disappointed.” He said.

  “We raised you better than what you have portrayed yourself to others.” He said.

  He wiped tears from his eyes, and cleared his throat, which was starting to crack while talking to me.

  “The only way we can protect you now is to let you go. Here’s some money.” He said

  He handed me an envelope marked fifty thousand dollars. I looked at it then back at him.

  I started to weep I just reconnected with my family, and wasn't ready to lose them again.

  I started to speak, but he raised his hand for me to stay silent.

  “I can’t Linda just stop.” He said.

  He hugged me and left. I was broken, out of all I’ve been through this has torn me down.

  I will never forget the look in my father's eyes.

  For the rest of the night I lay there looking at the ceiling rewinding my life.

  When daybreak finally came I called a cab to return home to Dayton. Ohio

  All the passion I had when I arrived here for a new life was gone.

  I fell into a deep depression for over a year, only going out for work, and food.

  That's even if I had an appetite. I also stop taking my medications.

  I was lost in a dark deep place for a long time, and felt it was the safest place for me to be

  I had no one to bother me, nobody to love me, and no one requiring my attention.

  I probably googled myself a million times, reading the different stories about me.

  I was truly a wanted woman. Out of all the men I slept with, five of them were HIV positive.

  I’m the link between them all, and every single one of them was married men!

  Neither one of them accepted responsibility for their own action of stepping out their marriages, and having unprotected sex.

  It was their responsibility to honor their own marriages not mines. I remember each encounter with every single one of them.

  I targeted men who were bold enough to still wear their wedding rings while they were out on the hoe stroll.

  Each night I seen or learned something new about men and their fugazi ways.

  The more I watched the more I hated their species. I was out to make money, but there were times I would find myself just studying them.

  It's what made me only start tricking with the married ones, they were the biggest pretenders.

  They had the most to lose, and I had an eternity sentence to give. One way or another they will have to confess their sins.

  I had regular hubbies, and hubbies up to four a night all the work came to me.

  All I had to do was sit at the bar and be myself, laugh a little and flirt with the bartender man or woman.

  I always dressed in something sexy, giving plenty thigh action with my cleavage perfectly placed and perky.

  I wore Red bottom heels so much that my nickname became Red
to all my clients.

  I had a few I think were in love with me and they were cashing out money, clothes, shoes and paying bills.

  They were infatuated with how beautiful I am and how healthy my hair flowed down my back.

  How my curly blond locks swirled into each other.

  They loved the way I would bite my lip when I giggled or the way I would lick them when they were dry.

  They loved running their fingers down the small of my back. I was always hearing how they love my deep dark brown eyes and how they could get lost in them.

  I had these men hooked! I fucked them like my life depended on it.

  Believe it or not men pillow talk just as much as women do and I used this to my advantage.

  Whatever their wife wouldn't do I done double time. There was no position I wouldn't do.

  No hole you couldn't enter, I would do it all, and they loved every moment.

  Eddie was the real charmer. He was married with six kids and hadn’t had sex in over a year with his wife.

  I always rolled solo, never went to any bar or club with friends.

  He approached me with a wide smile, and was very handsome. I loved the sexy ones they were always the ones I enjoyed fucking.

  He was a short white guy with blond hair balding at the top and blue eyes. He wore his age around his neck and that was okay with me. I was interested in his wallet and from the way he was dressed I could tell he had plenty of money.

  I was sitting at the bar at an all-white party. I kept it sexy all the time special events or not.

  That night I had on a half top bodysuit, it was tight as skin.

  “I like your tattoos.” He said running his fingers across my shoulders.

  I smiled as chills came over my body from his touch, and then positioned myself to face him.

  I know he loved his view from the back, and once he caught a view of my package he would be hooked like the rest.

  “Careful with those fingers I might have to start charging you.” I said playfully.

  “If I pay for it do I own it?” He smoothly asked.

  We gave each other a long stare into each other's eyes, both saying I wanna fuck you.

  My eyes drifted to his wedding band and he followed my eyes to his finger.

  “Name your price.” He whispered.

  I threw back my shot of Remy than licked my lips slow and sexually.